Relationship Basics
Basic Mode
Five Aspects of a relationship — time, housework, money, conflict and affection — each answered from how it feels now to how you wish it to change.
Where you stand
6 Gaps exceed Soft. The widest is a Gap of 3 on How much time do you spend together in a normal week?
Soft Setting: Small Gap (1) OK – a satisfactory Setting.
Each Gap's bar has a tick at 1 of 4: the widest Gap your Soft Setting tolerates.
How much time do you spend together in a normal week?
Rare—Constant
Feelings and Wishes Differ
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Feel Gap | Avery Feel2Rowan Feel5 | 3 |
| Wish Gap | Avery Wish5Rowan Wish3 | 2 |
Desires To Change
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Initiator Gap | Avery Feel2Avery Wish5 | 3 |
| Counterparty Gap | Rowan Feel5Rowan Wish3 | 2 |
How is the work of the household divided?
All mine—Evenly split
Feelings and Wishes Differ
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Feel Gap | Avery Feel3Rowan Feel2 | 1 |
| Wish Gap | Avery Wish4Rowan Wish3 | 1 |
Desires To Change
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Initiator Gap | Avery Feel3Avery Wish4 | 1 |
| Counterparty Gap | Rowan Feel2Rowan Wish3 | 1 |
How are money and the decisions about it handled?
Kept separate—Fully shared
Feelings and Wishes Differ
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Feel Gap | Avery Feel4Rowan Feel4 | 0In Synch |
| Wish Gap | Avery Wish4Rowan Wish4 | 0In Synch |
Desires To Change
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Initiator Gap | Avery Feel4Avery Wish4 | 0In Synch |
| Counterparty Gap | Rowan Feel4Rowan Wish4 | 0In Synch |
When there is a disagreement, how is it raised?
Left unsaid—Said plainly
Feelings and Wishes Differ
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Feel Gap | Avery Feel3Rowan Feel2 | 1 |
| Wish Gap | Avery Wish5Rowan Wish3 | 2 |
Desires To Change
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Initiator Gap | Avery Feel3Avery Wish5 | 2 |
| Counterparty Gap | Rowan Feel2Rowan Wish3 | 1 |
How often do you show affection?
Rarely—Often
Feelings and Wishes Differ
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Feel Gap | Avery Feel4Rowan Feel3 | 1 |
| Wish Gap | Avery Wish4Rowan Wish4 | 0In Synch |
Desires To Change
| Gap | The two Opinions it compares | Gap value |
|---|---|---|
| Initiator Gap | Avery Feel4Avery Wish4 | 0In Synch |
| Counterparty Gap | Rowan Feel3Rowan Wish4 | 1 |